How to write a letter of wishes and why it differs from your will

A solicitor once described the letter of wishes as the document that does the talking after you have stopped. The will, she explained, tells executors what to do. The letter tells them why, and how, and what you hoped for. Her client had left a beautifully drafted will and no letter at all. The trustees spent months guessing at intentions that could have been stated in an afternoon.

If you have a will, a trust, or both, a letter of wishes is the natural companion. It is not a legal instrument. It will not be read aloud in probate. But in the hands of a thoughtful executor or trustee, it carries considerable moral weight, and it can prevent the kind of friction that quietly damages families during an already difficult period.

What a letter of wishes can cover

The scope is deliberately wide, because the letter operates outside the formal constraints of a will. Consider what it might address.

Guidance to trustees. If you have set up a discretionary trust, the trustees hold powers that you cannot fully anticipate in advance. A letter of wishes explains how you would like those powers exercised: whether education should be prioritised over capital distributions, how you feel about a beneficiary who has struggled financially, whether you want the trustees to consult one another before acting. Trustees are not obliged to follow a letter of wishes, but courts have made clear that they should read and consider it. That distinction matters.

Guardianship preferences. A will can name a guardian for minor children, but it cannot easily explain the reasoning or the context. A letter of wishes can. You might note which school you hope the children will continue to attend, whether you feel strongly about religious upbringing, or how you would like a guardian to approach contact with extended family. These are not instructions, but they give the person stepping into an enormously difficult role something to hold onto.

Personal items and sentimental property. The law requires specific legacies to appear in the will itself, or in a document incorporated by reference at the time of signing. A letter of wishes written after the will is executed cannot legally transfer ownership of your grandmother's ring to your eldest daughter. What it can do is express a clear preference, which most families will honour. If there is any doubt, speak to your solicitor about a memorandum of wishes that satisfies the formal requirements, or add a specific bequest to the will directly.

Funeral and burial wishes. Executors are not legally bound by funeral instructions, but they will almost always follow them if they are clearly stated. Your letter is a practical place to record whether you prefer burial or cremation, any religious preferences, and whether there are people you would specifically like to be informed. Some families also include a note about the kind of gathering they would find meaningful, or the kind they would find hollow.

Personal notes to individuals. A letter of wishes can contain a section addressed directly to a spouse, a child, or a close friend. This is not the place for lengthy explanation of financial decisions, but a short, considered paragraph can bridge the gap between legal documents and human relationship. Many people find this the most valuable part to write, and the hardest to begin.

The limits, and why they matter

Precisely because the letter is not legally binding, its drafting requires care. Anything vague or contradictory will create ambiguity rather than resolve it. If you suggest that your trustees should distribute income equally, but your trust deed gives them full discretion, the letter does not override the deed. It may, however, influence how a court views the trustees' conduct if a dispute arises.

The letter should also be updated. A document written when your children were young, your marriage was intact, and your assets looked quite different from today is not merely out of date; it can actively mislead. Every time you review your will, review the letter alongside it. They should breathe together.

One practical question is where the letter lives. It should be accessible to your executors and trustees without being part of the public record. A will, once admitted to probate in England and Wales, becomes a public document. A letter of wishes does not. This privacy is one of its quiet advantages, and it is worth preserving by storing the letter somewhere your executors know to look, without making it universally available during your lifetime.

Keeping the letter with, or indexed alongside, your will is sensible. If either document changes, both should be reviewed. Your executors should know the letter exists, know where to find it, and understand that it is meant to be read before decisions are made, not discovered afterwards in a filing cabinet.

Glenvault is designed to hold exactly this kind of document alongside your will, your trust deeds, and the other papers that matter, so that your executors can find everything in one place when the time comes. You can begin organising your family's documents at glenvault.com/signup.