Appointing a guardian for your children: what your will must do

A solicitor once described it as the question that makes parents go quiet. Not the question about money, or property, or who gets the jewellery. The question is: if both of you died tonight, who would raise your children?

Most parents have someone in mind. Fewer have written it down legally. And almost none have told that person everything they would need to know to do the job well.

This is a practical guide to all three parts of that problem.

How to appoint a guardian — and what happens if you don't

In England and Wales, a guardian is appointed by naming them in a valid will. The appointment takes effect when the last surviving parent with parental responsibility dies. It is a straightforward clause, but it must be in a properly executed will — a conversation, a note in a drawer, or a voice message carries no legal weight whatsoever.

If both parents die without appointing a guardian, the matter falls to the Family Court. The court will act in the child's best interests, but it will do so without any guidance from you. Extended family members may apply, and if there is disagreement — as there often is, under the pressure of grief — the process can become protracted and painful for everyone, including the children at the centre of it.

The appointment itself is simple to make. Your solicitor will insert a guardianship clause into your will naming the individual (or individuals) you have chosen. You should also name a substitute guardian in case your first choice is unable or unwilling to act when the time comes. Talk to the person beforehand; an appointment that comes as a surprise is rarely a kindness.

One practical point worth raising with your solicitor: if you and your partner have different views on who should be appointed, address that directly rather than each making a separate appointment in your own will. Conflicting appointments can create complications that a court would then have to resolve.

What a guardian actually needs to know

The legal appointment answers the question of who. It says almost nothing about how.

A guardian stepping into your children's lives will face immediate practical questions: Which school do they attend? Are there medical conditions, allergies, or regular prescriptions? Who is the family GP? What are the children's routines, fears, and enthusiasms? Where are the financial accounts, and who is the trustee of any trust established for the children's benefit?

The financial dimension alone can be overwhelming. If your estate passes into a trust for minor children — as it typically should, since children cannot inherit directly — the guardian and the trustee may be different people. The trustee controls the money; the guardian makes the day-to-day decisions. Those two roles need to communicate, and ideally they should each have a clear picture of how you intended them to work together.

Guardians are also entitled to claim reasonable expenses from the estate, and in some circumstances a trust can provide a formal allowance. These arrangements should be anticipated and documented, not left for others to argue over later.

This is where a letter of wishes becomes essential. It sits alongside the will but is not part of it — it is a private, informal document addressed to the guardian and, where relevant, the trustee. It can say things a will cannot: that your daughter finds change difficult and needs time to adjust; that you would like the children to continue at their current school if circumstances allow; that you hope family holidays can continue in a particular way. It can explain values, rituals, and the texture of ordinary life. It has no legal force, but most trustees and guardians treat it with considerable weight because it is the closest thing to hearing your voice.

A letter of wishes should be reviewed whenever your will is reviewed — after another child is born, after a house move, after the children grow old enough that earlier entries no longer reflect who they are. A letter written when your eldest was three will need updating by the time she is ten.

The documents that support a guardianship arrangement — the will itself, the letter of wishes, the children's medical records, school information, insurance policies, and trust deeds — are exactly the kind of papers that get lost in a crisis. They are urgently needed at a moment when the people looking for them are also grieving. Keeping them in a single, accessible place, with clear instructions about who should be contacted and in what order, is not a minor administrative detail. It is part of the care you are extending to your children beyond your own lifetime.

Glenvault is designed to hold precisely this kind of material — wills, letters of wishes, and the supporting documents a guardian will need — so that the right people can find everything, quickly, when it matters most. You can create your vault at glenvault.com/signup.