Writing a letter of wishes and why it differs from your will

A solicitor once described a probate dispute she had seen too many times: the will was perfectly drafted, the estate neatly divided, yet the family spent months arguing over who should raise the children and whether the funeral should be in Yorkshire or abroad. The will said nothing on either point. It could not — those matters fall outside what a testamentary document is designed to settle.

A letter of wishes exists precisely for that gap.

It is a private, informal document you write alongside your will. It carries no legal weight of its own, yet it shapes how the people you trust will exercise their discretion after you are gone. Understanding both its power and its limits is what allows you to use it well.

What a letter of wishes can and cannot do

Your will is a legal instrument. It transfers ownership, appoints executors, and — crucially — names guardians for minor children. The letter of wishes is something quieter: a letter from you to the people who must carry those appointments out.

It is the appropriate place to explain, in plain language, what you had in mind when you chose those people and those arrangements. Common topics include:

• Guardianship preferences. A will names a guardian, but a letter can describe the values, routines, and schooling choices you hope they will honour. It might also explain why you chose one sibling over another — something that can prevent lasting resentment.
• Personal possessions. Specific items of sentimental value often cause more friction than financial assets. A letter can set out informally who you would like to receive particular objects — jewellery, books, a piece of furniture — without creating enforceable obligations that might tie your executors in knots.
• Funeral and burial wishes. Whether you prefer burial or cremation, a religious service or a secular one, particular music or a specific venue — none of this belongs in a will, which is often not read until after the funeral. A letter ensures these wishes are found and considered in time.
• Notes to trustees. If your will creates a trust — for minor children, for a family member who needs ongoing support — the trustees will exercise considerable discretion over distributions. A letter can explain your intentions: whether you want capital used for education, how you feel about early distributions, or what standard of living you hoped to maintain.

Because the letter is not legally binding, trustees and executors are not obliged to follow it. They are, however, obliged to consider it. Courts have confirmed this duty, and most professional trustees take letters of wishes seriously as evidence of the settlor's or testator's intentions. The informality is a feature, not a flaw: it allows you to speak plainly, to change your mind without a formal deed of amendment, and to address the human texture of your family's life rather than its legal structure.

What a letter cannot do is override the will. It cannot alter who inherits, create new trusts, or impose binding conditions on beneficiaries. Any attempt to use it as an addendum to the will risks confusion and should be avoided. If you want to change what the will says, change the will.

Keeping it with the will — and keeping it current

The letter of wishes has no effect if it cannot be found. This is where many families fall short: the document exists, but it lives in a drawer no one thinks to open, or in an email folder that requires a password no one holds.

Best practice is straightforward. The letter should be stored with, or at least cross-referenced in, the will. Your executors should know it exists. If the will is held by a solicitor, consider lodging a copy with them. If you maintain a family document vault, this is exactly the kind of record it is designed to hold — not because retrieval is complicated, but because it ensures the right people find the right documents without a search at the worst possible time.

Review the letter whenever your circumstances change materially: a birth, a death, a move, a shift in your views about a guardian or trustee. Unlike a will, there is no formal process for updating it — you simply write a new letter and make clear it supersedes the previous one. Shred or delete the old version to avoid ambiguity.

One practical discipline worth adopting: date every version clearly, and note in the letter itself where the original will is held and who the executors are. This small habit saves hours of cross-referencing during an already difficult period.

A letter of wishes is, in the end, an act of consideration towards the people who will have to make decisions without you. Writing it well — honestly, specifically, and without confusing it with the formal document beside it — is one of the more useful things you can do for your family.

Glenvault is designed to store exactly these documents — will, letter of wishes, and the records that give them context — in one private place your family can reach when it matters. You can get started at glenvault.com/signup.